


everytime we touch

by artemis_sighs



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: First Kiss, Hair Brushing, M/M, Mutual Pining, They/Themrey, Touch-Starved, i dont care. also theyre so fucking hard to write for wtf, i'll update tags as i remember to, no beta. i cant read, sunkist is also here, this is very self indulgent, this might be ooc but. in my defense, tommy's mentioned like twice so im not tagging him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27987849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemis_sighs/pseuds/artemis_sighs
Summary: benrey is touchstarved. gordon is their roommate who they arent in love with shut up tommy who just so happens to give exactly the right hugs and knows how to comfort them and oh fuck
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 149





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i get this feeling and everytime we kiss i swe
> 
> ,,,hnddjjrn . may write from gordon's perspective :-) 
> 
> twt: @VLLLAINWILBUR

benrey was touchstarved. 

it wasn't much of an issue back in black mesa. benrey wasn't close to many people as they usually kept to themselves, busy with work. being a security guard was a lonely job. 

they didn't mind, not really. sure, a hug would've been nice but... they survived this far. 

that is, until gordon freeman came into the picture. even through the thick fabric of the HEV suit gloves, his touch still felt incredibly warm. welcoming. kind. benrey found themself leaning into his touch and missing it when it was gone. tommy's hugs were nice, sure, but he was lanky and his limbs seemed a bit too long to be able to wrap around benrey comfortably. 

when gordon hugged them, arms wrapped tightly around their smaller frame, they never wanted to let go. feeling fabric on skin was a welcome experience compared to the cold metal of the HEV suit and gordon's warmth only added to it. 

benrey hummed, sweet voice quietly bubbling out and popping with no trace on the white ceiling. they sprawled out on gordon's sofa, arms propping them up as they tuned out whatever was currently playing on the tv. their focused returned when they felt the added weight of someone else on the couch, legs involuntarily moving closer to their chest. gordon touched benrey's leg to let them know he was there - as if benrey wasn't already hyperaware of that, but they knew it was more for gordon's comfort than theirs - and propped his elbow up on the armrest. 

they studied the other man's face, eyes mapping freckles they already knew so well, noting new ones and those that had disappeared back into gordon's skin. green eyes hidden behind curls and his glasses reflected the tv screen, not really watching but not distant either. 

the green eyes shifted to meet benrey's, and they stared for a few moments before shifting their gaze back to the screen. 

this was familiar. the two had gone through this motion many times; glances that lingered for too long, touches that ghosted over each other's skin, quiet conversation about whatever was happening on the tv. 

benrey clapped their hand over their mouth suddenly, swallowing sweet voice bubbles and coughing hues of pinks and blues out regardless of their attempts. gordon glanced at them with a slightly concerned look (he always did, this happened often) and shifting. 

benrey offered a silent thumbs up before they sat up, mouth shoved in the crook of their elbow as they coughed more sweet voice out. gordon's hand found its way onto their back, thumb rubbing comforting circles as the last of the sweet voice forced its way out. 

pink to blue means i lo

benrey stopped the translation in its tracks. they knew it but they didn't need some deep, dark part of them exposing all their secrets. they reached for the roll of paper towels that sat on the coffee table in front of them, wiping away at their sweater before sighing at the colored stain. 

"you good, bro?" 

benrey pulled off the sweater, tugging their shirt ( ~~gordons shirt~~ ) back into place, and wadding the sweater up. gordon's hand stopped moving on their back, though didn't leave. 

"uh. perfect." their face scrunched up as the overly-sweet taste from pink was left in his mouth. benrey got up, grabbing the paper towel and tossing it away while they dropped the sweater in a empty laundry basket. the apartment was silent for a moment before gordon yawned, standing up and pulling his phone out of his sweatpant pockets. 

"tommy wants to meet up later this evening. you down?" 

"mm.. will sunkist be there?" 

"sunkist is always there." 

"then yeah. obvs." 

"cool." gordon texted a quick response back, sliding his phone back into his pocket before running his fingers through his hair. he frowned as they caught on a snag, sliding the ponytail out of his hair with some difficulty. 

benrey grabbed one of the thousand brushes that sat in various locations in the apartment, gently grabbing gordon's wrist and guiding him over to the sofa again. gordon understood, sliding to the ground and tipping his head back. they hesitated before beginning to run the brush through his hair. 

gordon's face was one that benrey had seen often, but one that they loved so much. his shoulders released all tension, jaw loosening. a smile formed quickly, eyes closed with soft crinkles at the edges. they stopped, setting the brush off to the side before gently running their fingers through his hair. gordon slightly opened one eye, looking up at benrey. 

they choked, breath catching in their lungs as they forgot how to breathe. their fingers stopped for a moment before resuming again. they stared at anything but gordon's face, eyes darting around. 

they missed the way gordon looked at them, affectionate and loving. 

they felt gordon twist, gently removing their hands before his moved to cup benrey's face. he softly rubbed his thumbs over benrey's jawline. they tilted their head involuntarily towards gordon's touch. their eyes closed, and soon they felt gordon's lips on theirs. 

the two only broke for air, though gordon pulled away for a moment to look softly at a blushing, very flustered benrey. their hands covered their mouth, though the bubbles quickly escaped through. gordon laughed as sweet voice bubbled in his eyes, swatting it away and pressing a soft kiss to benrey's mouth. 

they smiled, tangling their fingers through his hair after moving to the floor. they straddled gordon, pressing another kiss to his lips. gordon smiled, arms wrapped around benrey tightly. the kiss broke again and he glanced at the clock, shifting carefully. 

"we gotta get ready if we wanna meet tommy later, bud." 

"nooo. feetman warm..." they nestled their face into the crook of his neck, arms dropping to hang loose off his shoulders. he only shook benrey gently before scooping them up after they made no motion to get up, dropping them on the couch. 

"nooooo. gordon meanman.." they pouted, sitting up as gordon laughed and started towards his bedroom. benrey sat there, falling back onto their back and smiling, fingers gently rubbing the corner of their mouth. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this will be ALL over the place lol sorry its just the way my brain works
> 
> twt: @VLLLAINWILBUR

benrey tuned out tommy and gordon, talking in the kitchen. they heard the snap of a soda can opening, but made no effort to move. sunkist flopped in their lap, paws laid across their legs lazily. the dog nudged their hands, whining as benrey laughed and set a hand on her head to scratch. 

with the warm presence of sunkist slowly dozing off in their lap, they let their thoughts drift off. 

the memory of a long car drive came to mind. 

the two had been coming home from a night with the science team. gordon was still tense around them, though considerably less and left them alone most of the time. rain poured down, thunder rumbling loudly overhead. the road was nearly impossible to see, even with headlights shining brightly in front of the vehicle. 

"i can't see shit. we have to pull over." gordon groaned, pulling off to the side of the road and turning the car off. benrey said nothinf in response, only pulling their jacket a bit tighter around themself. gordon pulled out his phone to check the weather and how long the storm was supposed to last, sighing in relief when he read it was only supposed to last for half an hour more. 

benrey tapped their fingers on their thigh rhythmically, glancing over at gordon. their eyes met and benrey snapped their attention back to the floor.

it was silent, except for the rain slamming onto the car, before gordon took a breath in. 

"benrey?" 

"yea?"

he hesitated. "..what are you? like.. i know you're not human and- and from xen, but that's it." 

benrey paused. "iunno." 

"what?" 

"i don't know." they shrugged. "never.. never gave my species or whatever a name. didn't really need one back in xen. i chose benrey as my- my, uh, name, 'cause i saw another security guard with the same name. think i read it wrong though." their hands stop, eyebrows knit together as they thought back. "yea, on second thought, it was probably barney. um." 

they hear a small chuckle from gordon, which makes them blush out of embarrassment. 

"shut up, feetman." 

"alright, barney." 

gordon laughed as a fist socked him on the arm, though he could tell there was no real malice in it. 

"'nyway, the creatures in xen didn't really care who you were. don't actually think they had the ability to care. it was kill, hide for the rest of your life, or be killed." they stopped. "..not a great place." 

the car was silent again. 

"i'm sorry, benrey." 

"don't be, bro. you got me outta there. painfully, yeah, but... 'least i'm out." they offered a small smile, dragging their knees to their chest. 

"oh, yeah, um.. i've been meaning to ask. where did you go? like, after you.. died."

benrey was silent. 

"sorry, i shouldn't hav-" 

"no, dude, it's fine. ya gotta stop apologizing for everything. not healthy." they fell silent again, picking at their jeans. "don't remember much. cold. very cold. and dark. um.. didn't feel right. i was.. alone. 'cept for the. uh. skeletons. fuckers only stared, said nothing." they blinked as they felt their eyes wet, wiping at them before they started crying. "it was lonely. as.. fucking awful black mesa was, it felt warmer. more friendly. than the void or whatever ever did. i never wanna go back." 

benrey let a few bubbles of sweet voice out, translating it silently before it fizzled out. gordon studied them.

"wh-" gordon started.

"i'm glad i met you." 

benrey heard the shifting of fabric and the seatbelt buckle being released. they looked over only to find themself looking over gordon's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around benrey. they froze before letting themself relax, hugging gordon back. 

their only thought was that gordon was warm. 

the hug inevitably ended, much to benrey's dismay, as gordon noticed the rain had slowed to a light drizzle. he clicked his seatbelt back on, turning the key in the ignition and resting his hands on the steering wheel. 

"benrey?"

"yeah?"

"i'm glad i met you too."

benrey smiled to themself, turning to face the window and watching as the surroundings blurred. 

and then they think back to a time before comforting and silent car rides, before gentle ghost-like touches, before friendly banter. they thinks back to the first arguement they and gordon had, the first real arguement. 

they remember how angry gordon was, how terrifying he felt, how scared benrey was that he was going to leave them. after all, that's all they'd known for their entire life. so benrey prepared themself for the inevitable "get the fuck out of my house" as the two sobbed and argued. they remembered sliding down on their back as gordon locked himself into his room, only coming out to eat periodically.

they remembered how gordon refused to look at them and how much that stung. 

of course the two sorted it out, though benrey was notably quiet for a while.

  
benrey snapped back to reality after hearing their name, turning and accidentally waking sunkist with their sudden movement. tommy looked at them with concern in his expression, offering a soda and sitting next to them on the couch. they heard gordon shuffle around in the kitchen, cursing as he slammed into.. something. 

benrey smiled. 

"'m fine, tommy." 

sunkist wagged her tail and slowly doze off in benrey's lap again. 


End file.
